After demonstrating the power reframes can have on our own emotions in episode 001 of The Influence Every Day podcast, the obvious pushback would be, "Yeah, but how is this practical? It's all well and good in a made-up imagery session. I just don't see it working in the real world."
Well, ok, here are some examples from the real world - these are my personal examples, so I am intimately familiar with them. More importantly, though, I deliberately practiced rapid reframing until it became a habit. These stories are examples of major pivots in real-time. These moments weren't planned out, so I didn't have time to elegantly craft the best possible reframe language to use. Instead, this "rapid reframe habit" was able to capitalize on unexpected moments of opportunity and turn them into magical gifts. (Here's the Influence Every Day podcast episode where I discuss that 006 Three Transformative Reframes)
Frame management is one of the most powerful tools in communication, behavior change, rapport and influence. In the first episode of "Influence Every Day," I touch on frame management and why we should use it.
Let's start with a demonstration; I will walk you through some imagery. Take a few minutes to relax and reflect on it.
I want you to imagine there is a little girl, about four years old, and she is looking back over her shoulder, giggling intensely. Imagine this four-year-old girl laughing really hard – the sound you hear in those cute viral videos of children – as she looks back over her shoulder, running forward.
Take note of how you feel in this moment about this scene with this happy little girl.
Now, imagine that two adults are chasing after her. One has their arms outstretched. Both of them have a look of worry on their face. They are clearly horrified as they chase after her. She is still giggling hard, looking back over her shoulder, running...
Body language can be cause AND effect. For example, when we have rapport with someone, we tend to exhibit certain behaviors (matching, mirroring, eyebrow flash, etc). If we want to establish rapport, we can start by intentionally exhibiting those same behaviors.
So it is with listening.
When you are listening intently, you will show the 3 behaviors covered here. Likewise, when you want to listen intently (but aren’t doing so), you can exhibit these 3 behaviors and you will begin to listen more intently.
Let's cover the 3 components of the body language of listening:
Component number one is to slightly tilt your head.
Think about it. You've seen many animals, right? If they hear a sound, there's something that's interesting. What do they do? They tilt their heads. They move their ears. They angle themselves to hear the thing better. Right? You’ve seen cute pictures of kittens or puppies that when a sound is made and they cock their...
If you were to look at the advice that coaches and public speaking trainers give those who are learning to be better public speakers or to improve their skills, that advice that's given to them is the same advice that someone would give to establish rapport and connection from behind a mask. The tips that they give to both of those groups are the same. So let's go over those.
My name is Dr. Tori with Influence Everywhere. I'm an expert and influence, persuasion, body language and rapport for improving your relationships and improving behavior change.
First of all, we're wearing masks all the time, right? (Well, at least, you should be.) When you're wearing a mask, it's an opportunity to practice. Let’s go over three quick things that you can practice every time you wear a mask. These are three tools in your speaking tool belt that you can improve upon while wearing a mask....
I did not truly grasp the impact of distractions on our work, and our lives in general, until I began working closely with some of the premier names in Human Factors in Healthcare.
A distraction is one thing. It happens to the best of us… especially these days.
But the act of getting back on task is where the real trouble lies. There is a lag time that occurs after every interruption, an amount of time and energy we must spend to get back on task.
Think about this for a second. It’s the interruption. Not whether or not you actually tended to it.
If someone knocks on your office door and asks, “Do you have a minute?” That is the interruption… Just the act of you hearing that question is the interruption – not whether or not you gave them “a minute”.
And if you did give them that minute, the lag time on getting back to task means that you spent waaay more than a minute.
Well, there’s a time to be...